In light of it all, this still continues every other month or so I get in a bit of a rough spot, which happens. I awake to the startling beeping of my alarm clock, calling for my eyes to crawl open. Arising I stare at my floor and reaching over turning all sound off. Slowly I walk into my bathroom and get ready for the day. My head replies the previous days, and during a commercial break, hardly calling it a rest at all I begin wondering about everyone I know, or just maybe a simple someone. Spit, rinse and dry, the lights in my kitchen hurt my eyes, but they adjust and I begin to dress. The early morning cold air stings my cheeks, and my nostrils flare. Windows frozen, steering wheel cold, I wait before I depart. Again, I think, and still why is it sometimes I feel a little bit of a down stroke? Why can’t I keep my brain on other subjects like birds, or television shows from my child hood? Or where the blue bellies stay during the winter? Instead I worry, I contemplate then becoming concerned. I arrive, work passes and back home to study. The one great thing I have to really look forward to today would be my guitar lessons and a very important girl that I’m picking up at the airport tonight. Maybe I’ll bring it up to her and we can talk. Maybe. I’ve missed her while, she’s been away.

For pics click here
http://chivalryserved.blogspot.com/2008/01/lindsays-birthday-weekend.html

Lindsay’s birthday extravaganza was this weekend. She hit the big 25 on Saturday, and I promised her a great birthday.

We left early Friday morning to get a jump-start on traffic. Although, there were several last minute stops just before we really hit the road, which I wasn’t apposed to since it was all my last minute…. Ok, let me start from the beginning.

Friday morning 7:13 am, two minutes before the set alarm was to go off. Not to wake Lindsay who was sleep next to me, I shut it off before it had a chance to wake her. My first stop before the big trip was to head over to my grandparent’s house. They live about fifteen minutes away and they had called me the previous day to ask if I could take down the painting ladder that was left up by my uncle Bryan. I had left my ring there on the kitchen counter earlier that week and it felt strange not to have it. It was a gift from Lindsay and even though she could care less if I had it or not, it had sentimental value and I wanted it to be on my hand. I zoomed over, picking up a newspaper for myself and then bringing down the paper at the top of the hill for my grandparents. The task was finished with in seconds and I was wished well as to them and I head back over to Lindsay’s

On the way back, thought coffee would be nice for her to have, and I could have used some myself. Bucks stop, and then back on my way. She’d must of felt me leave because she was up, getting things together and had things well on the way. I greeted her, gave her a morning kiss and wondered around checking everything I had written down on a piece of lined paper. The checklist consisted of far to many things to write down but if you really want me to, I will. Heh

With the GPS set and the iPod on shuffle, my little green golf was off again zooming through traffic and around turns. The rain hadn’t really started yet, but the clouds certainly had an ominous feeling to them. A storm was coming and we both knew the weather would hit even if we had willed it not to.

After my parents house we took are way to one last stop. For the next couple of nights we would need something festive to drink for the occasion. Delicious almond champagne, and a few of our favorite red wines at BevMo, so quickly we grabbed what we needed and took off once more on the road. The rain was still a light drizzle and it was nice to have the drops of rain splash around on the asphalt. This reminded me of a late winter, and with the chill to the air, it gave me perfect motive to crank the heater on.

Through the toll and across the Bay Bridge, we traveled southwest into the city, off and on the interstate, and off 101. The traffic was really nice, no hold ups and no accidents. This time around in San Francisco we hadn’t had to worry about street maps or paper print outs. We had good trusty GPS, and she directed us to where we wanted to go. We found our destination, and after a round about, I quickly found a good parking spot. The outside was really old-fashioned; certainly spoke out late 1800’s.

Holding the door for Lindsay we stepped in and were awed to the deco of the furnishing to the hotel. The place was amazing, and held its’ victorian inner casting very well. Two roaring fires crackled just beyond the main lobby and wonderful furniture, which matched every inch of the room quite well. A grand piano sat just off in the corner, anyone could play. A game room further down the hall, and a stair cast which led upwards to the next floor. A gentleman greeted us, and as I checked in, Lindsay continued to search the rooms for more interesting finds.

Our room was on the top floor, and as requested with a bay window. We had been lucky and received a room that had a small reading table in the bay window; it was really convenient to have. The room was amazing, a large king burgundy oak bed with to many pillows for many to count, a chest closet and another standing chest to the east of the room. The bathroom was tiny but the shower was fairly big enough to move around in. There was a separate sink near the bay window for other purposes I hadn’t asked about. The room was big enough to do whatever we wanted. I had even done flips on it when Lindsay was using the shower two days later. The hotel reminded Lin of the Haunted Mansion from Disney Land, and often when we descended down from the fourth floor and into the lobby we would jokingly quote dialogue from the ride.

Our first assignment if we chose to accept it, which we did was to head only one block from our stay down Sutter street to Japan Town, where we would have amazing lunch crapes to slightly satisfy our stomachs. Lindsay had a ham and cheese crape, and I had a Turkey. They were delicious, and we could have had several more if one of us decided to indulge. After we had browsed through the windows of shops we’ve seen a couple times before from other visits to the bay area.

Walking back to the hotel, we wait around for a little bit, still taking in the place we would be basically living for three days. Lindsay then had “the urge” it was the urge to shop. Only really wanted to peruse a few stores, like H & M, Urban Outfitters, and anything that seemed to jump out at her. I smiled at her and said, “Let’s do it!” and off we went down Market Street. The rain and wind however became fierce and kind of obnoxious. The rain became harder and our pants and shoes were soaked, safe to say it wasn’t a nice situation to be in.

One of our goals was to have a drink at a pub, like a real pub, or at least the realist pub we could get still not in London or Ireland. We did find something that was a little interesting. I can’t recall exactly what the name of the pub was but it was decent, we were led in and sat near the back of the place. People all around were having their pints and wearing familiar rugby shirts. I think Lin and I spotted a few British folk amongst the tables. I order a New Castle and she ordered something on the lighter side. The only thing that looked good was the fried calamari and garlic fries, so we ordered both. I’m sure we didn’t even finish the fries, they were pretty garlic’d up. After somewhat of a lunch/dinner we headed back to the hotel and got out of our wet clothes and relaxed on the bed.

The phone rang, it was Joy, she Brian, and Josh had arrived in San Fran. They were unpacked and ready for some dinner. Lindsay and I just a little earlier set out again to find some lively nightlife. We found this really cool place called the Hoy Grail. It was nearly three blocks away. We had a few drinks and met up with Lindsay’s family, which they all seemed a bit hungry as they went straight for the menus and ordered.

I’ve never had Oysters before, and never had I thought I would enjoy them, but these were so good! We order that and some muscles. Then we ordered some more, by the end of the night we were full of oysters and other shelled things. The Johnson’s followed us back to the hotel; we were still really excited about the place we were staying at. After the ooh’s and awe’s they went back to their hotel and Lindsay and I curled up in bed and watched a great 80’s movie I picked out called “Turner and Hooch.” with Tom Hanks. I hadn’t seen it probably in 10-12 years or so. She’d never seen it so it was a greatest night to watch it. The next morning I irritated Lindsay by setting the alarm. I didn’t want to miss breakfast! Breakfast was rather delicious, and we sat in the game room next to the fire and read the paper

Brain, Joy and Josh drove up right on time and we got breakfast with them, a little walking around to let it all settle, but then off the Modern Art Museum. The top floor art displays were really interesting. Every time I go, there is always a new-featured artist display. He had a lot of amazing and creative idea’s that were more hands on with his art work. It made it fun and enjoyable for everyone. There were so many photographs that I had to really stop and examine them, their expressions kept me deep in thought.

From one type of expression, to another, Haight Asbury, was packed full of people. The parking anywhere near by on a Saturday wasn’t easy. We finally settled several blocks away from the strip, just near the Golden State Park. Crowds of all sorts of people filtered through and not once anyone seem hostile. Everyone felt a little hungry, and Lindsay took us to this really neat Mexican restaurant right smack in the middle of Haight. I must say, my burrito was pretty tasty and it was good to sit down and relax a moment. Shortly after our food had settled we were off again, into a few consignment stores. We really didn’t spend very much time here as much as I would of liked to, but it was all right, there are times where bundles of crowds of people get frustrating.

Back at our hotel, there was a knock on the door. I stood up and answered it and a middle-aged gentleman stood there with two wine glasses and a body of Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon bottle of wine. Making another request in light of Lindsay’s b-day I was excited they honored my request to attempt to appeal to her best wishes. The man exited and we began to giggle, laugh and talk about how wonderful we thought the place we were staying was.

Getting ready for dinner was frustrating! First off, I brought the wrong dress pants. The pants I had actually brought belonged to my deceased father, so they were big and baggy. Second I forgot to bring a belt, so even though I had the pants on, there was no belt to hold them up. Things came together in the end; I just wore black jeans and removed the tie from my shirt. It didn’t look half bad, although more dressed for a nightclub than anything, with jeans and nice black dress shoes.

We arrived at the Cliff house, right on the beach. I was freaking amazing, as most of the building had glass windows where you could watch the waves crash over as you ate you food. The place wasn’t to elegant, but very night; the food was really good also. Lindsay had the swordfish, which I sampled and never had before. I’ll probably order that next time I go, and I had the egg noodles with tender beef cuts.

Her family after dinner soon departed and headed home after dropping us off back at the hotel. A few photo’s, hugs and “see you soons.” came and passed for the Johnson family, the next day was a big day for them and had prior plans to attend to. Quickly out of the rain we snuggled up in bed watched the remainder of the movie we had with some champagne. A finished bottle and us snoozing soundly we would continue our adventure tomorrow.

The last day in San Francisco, where we would do the remainder of what we talked about doing and knock it out in one day. Packed up and check out we said our goodbyes and drove along Van Ness, and met up with Geary Street. The Japanese Tea Gardens were the last thing we had promised we’d do. Into Golden Gate Park, we easily found what we were looking for. I had some worry that they’d be closed but luck was on our side and we got in. This place was amazing, as everything was so green and peaceful, we perused around just enjoying the scenery. We stayed as long as we could and had some hot jasmine tea, and watched as small drops of rain sprinkled down into the water.

On the way out of the park I wanted to see if the observatory of flowers was open. Several times have I driven or walked past and never seen it open. This time it was, and we ventured through there as well. I really enjoyed the interesting plants I’d never seen before, so alien so strange.

The last stop we made was in Ghirardelli cafe for a last minute drink of something warm and we headed out.

Oceans, I’m drawn to them, no matter how many times somebody asks me to think about a relaxing place, my mind brings me directly to the beautiful ocean. Even though most of this vast body of water has been explored and sailed, I still feel as if it’s not completely understood, and still holds many mysteries and secrets with in it.

I could just lay in the warm sand, me toes buried just beneath the surface, the ocean crashing in a rhythmic chaotic wonder, full of white froth, and grey tumbled sand. The sun and while or grey clouds are reflected out a little ways.


Watching I always watch the water, and the sun at the same time. Often I wonder if there maybe something underneath to surface of the water watching back at me. I can wonder up and down the shore, and collect the gifts the ocean gives dry land, shells, sea glass, seaweed and bogged wood. All interesting to touch, and look at as it lays before you there, randomly placed.

Right now, I really want to be at the ocean, feeling that cold chill bite my face, tearing my eyes up. Every breath is the oceans gargled scent from the wind that carries just before the waves hit. Birds will scuttle about, cawing and flapping their wings, often causing me to walk towards them, making them uneasy as they fly away.


Please, take me there.

The cat began to purr gently, as I continued to scratch at the perfect spot just behind her ears. The house had been empty just as I got there. The lights were off, and there hadn’t been any sign of someone being there recently. I sniffed the air once, to see if Chris had maybe walked around the house with his cologne he often uses before going to work to teach, but only the familiar scent of anything norm.

Walking into the bathroom, I reached inside the shower, purposely turning the hot water nozzle to full blast, and just a little bit of cold water with half a turn to the cold water nozzle. Quickly the steam began to rise, the bathroom’s tempature suddenly rose, as I stripped myself I watched the mirror in front of me fog up and my image greatly blurred. Slowly I got into the shower, lowering myself against the damp walls. They were warm, and it felt great breathing in the hot steam. I slumped down and let the water pour down onto my head. The water, which hit me, drizzled down and dripped off my nose. My favorite position for thinking, leaning over, and hugging my knees where my gaze would be just near my feet. The drain in font of me, as the water circled its way down, I can’t help but to space out and think all about what’s happening in my life.

I feel alone, when I’m not. When the house is empty, I feel empty.

Current Mood: artistic

We continue to proceed over the maximum speed limit so often that it’s almost second nature to us. There are days were I can’t help but think that the day is no longer long enough to get all what we need to get done. The human metro highway is at full speed, zipping around to get everything done. When was the last time we had a moment to take a breath of air?

Unfortunately, the only time we have for ourselves are the time we suddenly give ourselves when it’s already to late. When was the last day we looked ahead of ourselves and said, “What can I do now, with all this free time?” I bet it’s been a long time, or your thinking of that one vacation that probably wasn’t really vacation, because your cell phone kept ringing, or you brought out the checkbook and started doing your bills. Or you even snuck on to your laptop to do some last minute studying or checking your email to see if you landed that deal you’d been working on for several months.

Always in a hurry, in fact we’ve changed the world so much to help us get around faster, to get more done in a day. We have fast food restaurants, and we have faster modes of transportation. Energy drinks, coffee, and boosters to amp us up in the morning for that extra go!

I sometimes can’t believe how fast our lives get and even if we make it a little easier, we then add more tasks in our daily lives to stack on top of it all.

This morning was the coldest it's been all season, and I actually welcomed it. Wondered outside around 6:30am this morning and the clouds were grey and gloomy. The sky actually made me smile, I knew it wasn't going to rain, but nature beckoned it. I think that's why I smiled to myself. Hours later the sky broke through and the rays of the sun beamed down to warm the surface beneath the clouds.

It's now a beautiful day out, I like soaking in the warmth that's offered. As I sit outside at a patio table, partly shaded by an umbrella I can breath comfortably. The stress levels and tension in my house is rather high at the moment. My room mates and I are moving apart now, and trying to figure out we are to do about is pretty difficult, at least on my end. They've partly figured out their living situation, and I'm well on to mine. Packing and getting ready to move is no cup of tea. It's very chaotic, and I'm no fan of it in the least.


Normally, I don't express my normal life on this blog, I had intended it to be just random subjects and topics, but I must say this one will be more about me this time. By the way, I'm feeling better than the last time I posted, a full recovery. My E.M.T. class happened not to go as planned actually and so, right now I'm searching around right now for and R.O.P or internship at a fire station or services locally. I have a few emails typed up to several places, so it's just a matter of reversion and sending them. My volunteering is something I need to get out of the way, so they'll be good.

What turned out to be a minor stomach discomfort, reared up to be a major pain in my upper abdomen. Casually walking into work, it began to feel a little tighter on the sharp pain side. I ignored it, because today was Labor Day, and my pay was increased to double time. I was going to tough it out, but as I moved around more, I felt in agony. I couldn’t really move around that much, and the more I did, the more pain I felt. Squatting down near the ground seemed to help a little bit, but I became more nauseated.

The Store manager was right there, he noticed me crouched down, shrugged it and kept busy, probably thought I was messing around. I gathered myself and just called him over. Told him I was sorry but I would need to head home to rest.

I’m home now, feeling awful. I’ve been on my right side most of the day. My roommates didn’t get up until around 11:30am. I haven’t at all felt like eating or drinking anything, so I’ve just been kind of bed ridden. The one other thing I dislike in the world is when I feel so miserable that I try to sound halfway in the norm, but I can’t because I’m a horrible actor, and others know I’m not well, so they feel bad. That’s one of the things I don’t like. I’m a pretty tough guy, but when close loved ones are seeing me not so well, it just makes me feel worse.


My girlfriend got online as I was looking up the symptoms I had, she had gotten my message and was coming up to try and help me be well. I waited until I get a phone call and her car won’t start. She didn’t seem very happy on the phone, so then I worry about her well-being. I think I’m just a mess all together.

I'm going to start taking thee fiber pills, and maybe it'll do something. My stomach acid could just be all out of wack. It says on the back, to take while eating....great.

I think my cat has realized my illness, and has stuck with me all morning and all afternoon. I would usually be taken back that she'd offer me this much attention but I notice that the corners of my bed is completely covered in cat hair. Ugh,

Lying down in my bed slightly turned over to my left side. My stomach still uneasy from an unhealthy choice of Baja Mexican food, and yet I continue to stare at the blinding red glow of my alarm clock. It’s numbers read 11:46. My surrounding silhouettes only consist of packed boxes and picture frames. The fan above my bed lets out a continuing lit dry grinding noise, slight annoyance but soothing at the same time, as it remains a repeating rhythm.

The red glow, 11:49, my eyes, still wide open, pleased though that the wind chill allows itself to enter the my bedroom window.

Curse this discomfort in my stomach,

Right now, I’m afraid. I don’t like unsettled changes. Forced to do things unless thought out and maybe discussed. Moving, with little choice too. I try to tell myself things will be better, they often to get better. Right now, I think my nervousness overrules and optimism.

11:54, still wide awake, and I have to be up rather early in the morning for work. I’m even really sure what time I’m suppose to come in. New corporate scheduling doesn’t matter, been there long enough I can make a few early appearances.


Another topic. I never thought I could get so use to something in a short amount of time. Often I need a long time span to be comfortable about new things, even wonderful things. I’ve never been so at peace, and felt so important being held in my girlfriends arms. It’s not the fact she’s holding me, or just the fact one arm my lay slung over me. I’m sure it’s being in the space, and her in mine that allows me to let go, and feel that warmth and love.

11:59, tightening the blanket around me. The wind just got a little colder, still feels nice against my cheeks. Is my alarm even set? It is, I worry about that sometimes.

Even though I’m sure the reading factor of anyone else in the world of my blog is nearly 1 or 2 maybe including myself, I sure do ramble.


Good night, tomorrow is another day,

Friends, they are in our lives if we want them or not. It’s funny how we go through life with friends and companions from the first time we start walking till near the end when we are struggling to walk at all.

Growing constantly throughout our younger years we tried hard to fit in, adapting so that idea’s and habits become one the same with others. Self-consciences are at an all time high, worried about the slightest comment or movement and the cause of how people will think of you. Friends come and they go as we move place-to-place we live, or they continue on to other schools.

Eventually, you take a league of your own, whether it’s during or after high school, and the friends you have now are your best friends. They’d been there for the hard times and the happy times as well. Same with memories, along with moments that had bound you all together with the strongest tight rope, tightens its grip on your friendship.

After high school, emotions clash as one friend goes along on a trip to Europe, another accepted to a great college across the nation. Friends join the military; others decide to work under the family business. Some maybe just one, suddenly fade away until they disappear.

You’re happy and sad at the same time, as some go along with you to the same college. These friendships never had been stronger. It’s odd because throughout life friends come and go, for many different reasons; relationships, heartache, jealously, and sometimes sickness (emotional reasons).

You gain friendship again in your older years by your neighbors, or the move to a new church. From the new job you’ve started. People in this world today and since the beginning of time have always needed a friend. One thing I find a complete blessing are the friends that have stayed with you most of your entire life. When your old and wrinkly, you can sit next to them and say, “Thank you.”


>

Sitting on my front porch, facing the street, the sun had already set as the lavender blue plaints the sky along with all the objects beneath it. Fiddling around with the glass of cheap Syria, it's deep red liquid circling the glass as I spin it. My feline companion thirsts for my attention, meowing and rubbing her body around my ankles. Giving only little attention to her, I watch again, just beyond the white picket fence that boundaries my yard from the street in front of me. Neighbors in there home just across the way, laugh and yell, although unable to make out the words they are saying. I still sit there on my front porch, still only echoing noise come South East from the free way.

I wonder, why it is, that when we suddenly settle down, at that moment we have to pick up all our belongings, which end up owning us anyway, and move yet again. "Yes!" Now I think to myself, I'm settled, maybe now with the friends and family around me, but in the place I live in. I come and go as I please, I buy and give thing I want or don't want. I clean, I dirty the room I sleep in, this is my home. Now, because someone is willing to give up, I have to move. It upsets me, and now, because it upsets me, I don't think about the greater good that could possibly come with it, I think of the stress of packing, moving, finding the time I'm not going to have to move into another house/apartment.



We don't need another room mate, but it would be nice, another fun figure in the house, someone to do something more with. It will help with the rent, the room mates say, I agree. We are family, and I think we should share that will someone else.

In time.

My feline companion continues to meow, she's hungry. Getting up she meows faster and more in an interested way. Following me, I lead her through the living room, past the dining room, and into the kitchen. My arms reach up and scoop up her food, letting the ringing noise of dry kibble hit the top of her bowl. Feasting suddenly I sense her mood become content as she fills her hungry stomach.

"The Cat." I thought, what will I do with her? Give her away? A pet deposit, isn't at all cheap, in fact if your under a budget with what money you can move in with, it probably can't happen. Another hurdle.


Just my evening,